He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
