The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
