somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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