Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
