Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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