you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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