i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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