So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
