a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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