Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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