Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
