My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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