they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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