I hate all girls vehemently.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
