Three words: puerto rican gang bang
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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