I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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