is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
