he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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