1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I should be sponsored by Trojan
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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