dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
