i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This baby is an asshole
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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