Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
