I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
