Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
