i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
