Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
