My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
