Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
