never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
3 2 1 whiskey
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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