First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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