I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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