dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
