he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I could fuck to npr.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
