i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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