he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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