from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
