Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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