my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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