I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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