lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
