Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
