sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
