I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
