Princesses don't give blow jobs
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
