Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
