2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
