haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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