I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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