I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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