We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
