my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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