That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
