how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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