No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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