I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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